In Today’s Issue:

📢 Mark your calendar Bereavement training event this Tuesday, June 3rd
🔗 The best links I found this week
📖 Deep dive: Finding the Right Words After Stillbirth or Miscarriage
🩷 Self-care moment: Finding Your Center Amid Family Dynamics

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🔗 My Favorite Finds This Week

📝 Study: Creating and maintaining compassionate relationships with bereaved parents after perinatal death (British Journal of Midwifery)

📝 Pediatric Experts: What to Say and What Not to Say to a Grieving Parent (Nationwide Childrens)

Today’s newsletter is sponsored by: Caring Cradle®

Caring Cradle® A Cooling Cradle for Infant Demise

A Caring Cradle® is a cooling bassinet that is designed to allow families more time with their infant that has died. The cradle comes assembled and is ready for use 30 minutes after being plugged in. With the gel mat properly cooled, it allows families to hold their baby and have that extra time they wouldn’t normally have to create memories.

📖 Deep Dive

Finding the Right Words—What to Say (and Not Say) to Families After Stillbirth or Miscarriage

In our most recent survey, 31% of 216 respondents identified communication—hardest challenge is “knowing what to say,” “finding the right words,” or “offering comfort” to grieving families. This is by far the most common theme nurses and coordinators shared.

What the Evidence Says: Why Communication Is Critical

• Compassionate, patient-centered communication is vital in supporting bereaved parents and is consistently identified as a top need by both families and professionals.

• Parents remember every detail—the words, the tone, the time spent. These moments shape their healing journey for years.

• Effective communication includes both what is said and how it is said: tone, pace, body language, and presence all matter.

You might also like: 15 Meaningful Messages to Write in a Card After a Fetal Demise

👍 What Helps: Strategies and Scripts from the Experts

1. Simple, Sincere Phrases

• “I am so sorry for your loss.”

• “This must be so difficult for you.”

• “I care about you and your family. Please let me know how I can help.”

• “Would you like to talk about your baby? I am here to listen.”

• “I wish things were different.”

2. Use the Baby’s Name

Parents value when their baby is acknowledged as a person. If the baby’s name is known, use it.

3. Allow Silence and Presence

Sometimes, the most powerful support is sitting quietly and being present. Active listening—nodding, offering a tissue, or simply holding space—can be more comforting than words.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

• “Would you like to share more about your baby?”

• “What would feel supportive to you right now?”

5. Offer Choices and Control

Let parents set the pace. Give them time to process, ask questions, and make decisions about memory-making or next steps.

😔 What Hurts: What Not to Say

Avoid:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “At least you have other children/you can try again.”

• “Time heals all wounds.”

• “God has a plan.” (unless the parent expresses this belief first)

• “I know how you feel.” (unless you have experienced the same loss)

These phrases, though well-intentioned, can feel dismissive or minimize the family’s pain. Parents in multiple studies and support groups report that clichés and unsolicited advice are among the most hurtful responses they receive.

Voices from Families

“Thank you for treating my baby like a person, and for treating me with compassion as I became a bereaved mother.”

“The nurse who asked me about my daughter, who let me talk about her, made all the difference. She made Dorothy real, even though she was gone.”

Professional Best Practices: How Seasoned Experts Approach These Moments

• Active Listening: Give your full attention, listen without interruption, and let families lead the conversation.

• Empathetic Body Language: Sit at eye level, maintain an open posture, and offer gentle touch if appropriate and welcomed.

• Repeat and Clarify: Deliver information in small pieces, check for understanding, and be ready to repeat yourself as needed.

• Cultural Sensitivity: Respect cultural, spiritual, and personal beliefs. Ask about preferences and rituals; never assume.

• Acknowledge Parent Identity: Recognize the parenthood of both partners, even in loss. This validation is deeply meaningful.

Practical Scenarios: Scripts for Difficult Moments

When delivering news:

• “I am so sorry. There is no heartbeat. I know this is devastating. I am here for you, and I will stay with you as long as you need.”

When you don’t know what to say:

• “I wish there were words to make this better. I am here, and I care.”

When parents are silent or angry:

• “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. I am here with you.”

When asked difficult questions:

• “That is such a hard question. I will do my best to answer, and if I don’t know, I will find out for you.”

🩷 Self-care moment

Finding Your Center Amid Family Dynamics

Caring for families through stillbirth or miscarriage is emotionally taxing. Recognize your own limits, seek debriefing, and use peer support. Compassion fatigue is real—your well-being matters for you and for the families you support

You do not need to have all the answers. Your presence, willingness to listen, and gentle words can make a lifelong difference for grieving families. As one parent shared, “Grief is just love with no place to go.”