In Today’s Issue:

🔗 The best links I found this week
📖 Deep dive: The Realities of Caring for IUFD When You’ve Experienced Your Own Loss
🩷 Self-care moment: Worry Time

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🔗 My Favorite Finds This Week

💗 The Importance of Self-Care for Nurses and How to Put a Plan in Place (Purdue Global)

👣 A Nurse Returning to Work After a Personal Loss
(Reddit)

📖 Deep Dive

The Realities of Caring for IUFD When You’ve Experienced Your Own Loss

I want to start by saying: if you’re reading this and you’ve experienced your own loss—whether recently or years ago—my heart is with you. I’ve walked this road myself, and so has my co-founder, Jay, a CRNA, MS specializing in obstetrical anesthesia. Whether you’re still in the trenches of labor and delivery or you’ve stepped away because it became too much, your experience is valid, and your feelings are real. However you’re coping today, you are seen and supported.

When you’ve suffered a loss yourself, showing up for families experiencing IUFD is a profoundly layered experience. The emotional landscape is complex—sometimes rewarding, often exhausting, and always deeply personal. Here’s what we’re hearing from nurses, and what the evidence tells us about navigating this terrain.

1. The Emotional Weight and Triggers

Caring for families after IUFD can bring up a wave of emotions—sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, or even numbness. These feelings can surface unexpectedly, triggered by a patient’s story, a question about your own family, or even a milestone you never got to celebrate. Some nurses find themselves able to compartmentalize, while others feel their emotions rise closer to due dates or anniversaries. It’s okay if you need to step away or take a break—your well-being matters just as much as your patients’2.

2. Compartmentalization and Its Limits

Many nurses describe the need to “push it down” during a shift, only to find their grief bubbling up later. Sometimes, this means crying in the break room, feeling emotionally depleted after work, or needing to take time off. Others share that the weight of repeated losses can become too much, leading some to step away from bedside care, either temporarily or permanently—and that’s okay. Recognizing your own limits is a sign of wisdom, not weakness14.

3. Navigating Patient Questions About Family

The question, “How many children do you have?” is a minefield for many. Some nurses always include their child who died (“I have four kids, three living”); others mention only their living children to protect their emotional bandwidth. Some use gentle, vague answers, or redirect the conversation back to the patient. There’s no single right approach—what matters is honoring your own boundaries and recognizing that your answer can change day by day1.

4. Guilt, Boundaries, and Protecting the Patient’s Experience

Many nurses feel guilt—guilt for not mentioning their loss, or for mentioning it and worrying it might bring heaviness into a vulnerable moment. Others feel guilt for “writing out” their child by not including them in their answer. The truth is, there’s no perfect script. Your boundaries are valid, and protecting your own emotional health is essential for longevity in this work214.

5. The Toll on Mental Health and the Need for Support

Compassion fatigue and burnout are real risks in this field, especially when you carry your own grief. Many nurses report feeling isolated or unsupported, and the cumulative weight of repeated losses can be profound. Seeking support—whether through peer groups, counseling, or debriefing sessions—isn’t just helpful, it’s necessary. If you’re looking for a peer group, check out the [Reddit support thread for nurses who have experienced fetal demise]7, or explore formal support programs like [Mount Sinai’s Perinatal Bereavement Support Groups]8.

6. Coping Strategies and Rituals

Some nurses find comfort in rituals or keepsakes—wearing jewelry with their children’s initials, keeping a tattoo as a quiet tribute, or whispering to their lost child before a shift. Others lean on affirmations or personal mantras to ground themselves. Finding what helps you process and honor your grief is a deeply personal journey37.

My Take

Whatever you’re feeling—anger, sadness, guilt, pride, or even numbness—it’s more than okay. You don’t have to have all the answers for your patients or for yourself. If you need to step away, change your script, or ask for help, that’s not a failure—it’s a sign of self-awareness and strength. If you notice you’re struggling to cope, feeling persistently anxious or down, or dreading work, please reach out for support. This could mean talking to a trusted colleague, seeking counseling, or connecting with a peer support group. You deserve care, too144.

🩷 Self-care moment

Worry Time

Schedule a “worry time” each day—set a timer for 20 minutes to let yourself feel and process your worries, then intentionally shift to something comforting or rewarding6. Or, immerse yourself in a favorite hobby or creative outlet, even if just for a few minutes.

👎 I didn’t learn anything new

👍 Good information

💯 Very valuable

📝 Citations

-1 For nurses who have suffered their own losses how are we answering patient’s questions about our families? (paste.txt)
-2 Zwerling J, et al. A qualitative study of labor and delivery nurses' experience caring for women undergoing induction for intrauterine fetal demise (IUFD) or termination for fetal anomalies. PubMed. 2021. PubMed Link
-3 Grieving & Loss Nursing Diagnosis & Care Plan. Nurseslabs. 2024. Nurseslabs Link
-4 Fahmy et al., Relationship between Compassion Satisfaction, Compassion Fatigue, and Psychological Distress among Nurses. 2022. PDF Link
-7 Emotional after fetal demise : r/nursing - Reddit. 2024. Reddit Link
-8 Perinatal Bereavement Support Program | Mount Sinai - New York. Mount Sinai Link
-9 Self-Care for Nurses: Why It's Important and What You Can Do. Purdue Global. Purdue Global Link
-14 Helping perinatal nurses cope with patient death - Infant journal. 2024. Infant Journal Link