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Speaking with Compassion: The Power of Precise Language in Loss
Every week, we deliver evidence-based strategies for perinatal bereavement care. Created by Jay CRNA, MS, specializing in obstetrical anesthesia, and Trina, a bereavement expert, both with personal pregnancy loss experience.
Trina Parkin
May 08, 2025 • Read time: 6 minutes
In Today’s Issue:
🔗 The best links I found this week
📖 Deep dive: The Realities of Caring for IUFD When You’ve Experienced Your Own Loss
🩷 Self-care moment: Worry Time
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🔗 My Favorite Finds This Week
📄 MISS Foundation Position Statement: Language Matters
The foundational document guiding this week’s deep dive. Learn why “miscarriage,” “stillbirth,” and “death of a baby/child” are the preferred terms, and why “pregnancy loss” is discouraged in late loss.
Read the Position Statement
🗣️ How Clinical Language Can Contribute to Grief and Trauma
A research-backed look at how the words used by providers impact grief, mental health, and healing for families experiencing loss.
Clinical language describing pregnancy loss can actively contribute to grief and trauma
🤝 Perinatal Bereavement Training in Practice
See how one hospital’s bereavement committee built a comprehensive, interprofessional approach to supporting families and educating staff.
Perinatal bereavement - American Nurse Journal
📖 Deep Dive
The Best Patient-Facing Language in Early and Late Loss
Recently, I had the privilege of connecting with Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, a renowned expert in traumatic grief and bereavement care. Dr. Cacciatore is the founder of the MISS Foundation, a professor at Arizona State University, and served on Oprah and Prince Harry’s Mental Health Advisory Board, contributing to the acclaimed docuseries “The Me You Can’t See”. Her decades of research and advocacy have transformed how we understand and support families after the death of a baby.
Dr. Cacciatore’s guidance was a learning moment for me. She teaches that language is not a small detail–it is central to validating grief and honoring the experience of families. In particular, the MISS Foundation’s position statement makes it clear:
“Miscarriage” is the appropriate term for early loss (before 20 weeks), while “stillbirth” or “death of a baby/child” must be used for late loss (after 20 weeks). The term “pregnancy loss” is not appropriate for late loss, as it can feel dismissive and minimize the reality that a child has died.
Have you ever received feedback from a family about the language used to describe their loss? |
Provider Language vs. Patient-Centered Language
In clinical practice, terms like “intrauterine fetal demise” (IUFD) or “fetal demise” are standard for documentation, charting, and professional handoffs. These terms are medically precise and necessary for clear communication among providers.
However, when speaking directly with families, it is essential to use language that is compassionate and validating:
Use: “miscarriage” for losses before 20 weeks, and “stillbirth” or “the death of your baby/child” for losses after 20 weeks15.
Avoid: “pregnancy loss” or “fetus” when referring to a late loss. These terms can feel clinical and diminish the profound reality of the baby’s death
Mirror the family’s language: If parents use specific words to describe their experience, reflect those terms back to them.
The MISS Foundation’s position statement emphasizes that the words we use can either support or hinder the grieving process. Euphemisms or medical jargon can be confusing or even hurtful, especially when parents are in shock or distress.
Why This Matters
“Whatever is unnamed, undepicted in images, whatever is omitted from biography, censored in collections of letters, whatever is misnamed as something else, made difficult-to-come-by, whatever is buried in the memory by the collapse of meaning under an inadequate or lying language – this will become, not merely unspoken, but unspeakable.”
The language we choose shapes whether families feel seen or silenced. When we use precise, validating words, we give families permission to speak their truth and honor their child’s life and death. When we minimize or misname their experience, we risk making their grief unspeakable and their healing more difficult.
Be clear and honest: Avoid euphemisms unless the family uses them.
Use the baby’s name or “your baby/child” whenever possible.
Listen first: Let parents guide the conversation and mirror their language.
Educate your team: Ensure that all staff understand the importance of language and when to use clinical vs. family-centered terms.
“There is no more important time for grieving families to have a fully present, openhearted provider who is not afraid and who is not avoidant.”
🩷 Self-care moment
What is Grief?
“Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.”
Thank you for reading today’s newsletter on evidence-based bereavement education. I thoroughly enjoy spending time each week researching and sharing these insights with you.
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