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Reflective Listening — The Skill That Changes Everything in Bereavement Care
Every week, we deliver evidence-based strategies for modern perinatal bereavement care. Written by Jay CRNA, MS, specializing in obstetrical anesthesia, and Trina, a bereavement expert, both who have experienced loss.
Trina Parkin
March 19, 2026 • Read time: 9 minutes
Before we jump into this week’s deep dive, I want to share an event I’m really excited about. PLIDA is hosting the International Perinatal Bereavement Conference, and it’s one of the few in-person events completely dedicated to this work.
If you’ve attended one of our virtual bereavement trainings (we’ve had over 1,500 healthcare professionals join us over the past year), this conference would be a great fit for you. Jay and I will both be there in New Orleans, and Forget Me Not will also be sponsoring IPBC 2026.
It’s one of the best opportunities I know of to learn, connect, and spend time with people who truly understand what this work is like. If this newsletter feels like your kind of space, this conference probably will too.
Join us at IPBC 2026 in New Orleans in May 2026
Join 300+ attendees at the International Perinatal Bereavement Conference presented by PLIDA for a one-of-a-kind experience in New Orleans. This conference is dedicated to evidence-based care, including research, personal experiences, and family narratives of bereavement. The biennial conference provides numerous educational and networking opportunities from world-renowned speakers. In addition to the education aspect, the conference provides two reception-style events to encourage networking and relationship-building.
When: May 13 - 16, 2026
Where: New Orleans
CEU: up to 19 credit hours!
Who is it for: Professional who provides care to families experiencing a perinatal death or engaging in research within the field including Obstetricians.
Sponsored by PLIDA
In Today’s Issue:
🔗 The best resources I found this week
📖 Deep dive: Reflective Listening — The Skill That Changes Everything in Bereavement Care
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🔗 The Best Resources I Found This Week
Here’s a draft in that same style and voice:
📄 Active & reflective listening handout
This UConn one‑pager breaks down open questions, affirmations, reflective listening, and summaries with simple examples you can swipe for your next hard conversation. [UCONN Rudd Center]
🗣️ Reflective listening worksheet
This free worksheet walks you through 3 stages of reflective listening and gives practice prompts so you’re not trying this skill for the first time in the room with a grieving [Universal Coach Institute]
📖 Deep Dive
Reflective Listening — The Skill That Changes Everything in Bereavement Care
One of the questions I hear over and over from nurses is
“What do I say when there are no right words?”
The truth is… most of the time, it’s not about what you say.
It’s about whether the family feels heard.
That’s where reflective listening comes in.
And interestingly, this is also one of the areas where nurses report the least confidence.
In our recent survey, 40% of nurses said they don’t feel confident communicating with families after a loss.
That number didn’t surprise me.
Because reflective listening isn’t something most of us were ever formally taught.
What is reflective listening?
Reflective listening is often described as a more focused form of active listening.
Instead of just nodding or asking questions, you repeat back what the person is saying in your own words to make sure you understood it correctly.
Communication guides describe it as:
“First seeking to understand what the speaker is saying, then offering the idea back to confirm the message has been understood correctly.”
Another clinical definition puts it this way:
“Listening carefully and nonjudgmentally… then reflecting back what you heard using your own words to assure the patient they’ve been heard and to correct misunderstandings.”
It sounds simple.
But in bereavement care, it can completely change the tone of the room. Research on clinical communication shows reflective listening can:
Promote trust and respect
Ease fear and anxiety
Reduce misunderstandings
Improve relationships
Lead to better patient care
In the context of stillbirth, miscarriage, or infant death, those outcomes aren’t small.
They shape how families remember the entire hospital experience.
And we know from bereavement research that the hospital experience can influence long-term grief outcomes.
Families often remember the exact words that were said — and the moments when they felt ignored or rushed.
We’ve talked about this before, and it keeps showing up in the literature.
The interaction with staff can either add to the trauma… or soften it.
What reflective listening actually sounds like
Jennifer Hicks, a bereavement doula and professor, and a guest speaker at one of our bereavement training events teaches this beautifully.
She shared this example about when a parent says they don’t want photos.
“My immediate reaction when someone says they don’t want pictures is,
‘I’m hearing you say you don’t want pictures.’
Echo it back so they know they’ve been heard.”
Then later, after giving the family time:
“I’ve been thinking about what you said, that you might not want pictures of your baby.
I hear you… but I have some thoughts about that and information I can share if you’re interested.”
Notice what she did there.
She didn’t argue.
She didn’t correct them.
She didn’t rush in with advice.
She gave them control.
And control is one of the few things families still have in that moment.
Empowering patients — even in small ways — is associated with better coping and less regret later.
Active listening vs reflective listening
These terms get used interchangeably, but they’re not the same.
Active listening = paying attention, nodding, asking questions.
Reflective listening = repeating back meaning and emotion to confirm understanding.
Reflective listening usually sounds like:
“What I’m hearing you say is…”
“It sounds like you’re worried that…”
“You’re feeling unsure about…”
“You want to make sure…”
At our most recent bereavement training event, Cindy and Rose from SHARE taught this exact approach.
They encouraged phrases like:
“What I’m hearing you say is that you’d like the baby cleaned before we bring them to you.”
That one sentence does three things at once:
Confirms understanding
Shows respect
Gives the parent a chance to correct you
It slows the conversation down in the best possible way.
Why this skill matters more in loss than anywhere else
In most areas of medicine, the goal is to fix something.
In bereavement care, the goal is different.
You’re not fixing.
You’re witnessing.
How did you enjoy today’s deep dive?
(Select one)
👋 That’s a Wrap!
Before you go: Here are ways we can help your hospital
Education: Please share our newsletter with your co-workers. Our priority is empowering nurses with the tools to support patients with modern, evidence-based bereavement education.
Bereavement boxes: Our bereavement boxes were designed out of a need for a modern high quality solution for families suffering from miscarriage, stillborn, or infant death.
Reply to this email “Sample” to get a free sample sent to your hospital.
What we prioritize:
Tools for hospitals to create a bereavement experience for families to begin their grief journey
Educating nurses with modern bereavement standards and continuing education.
Helping hospitals build a foundation of trust and support, so bereaved families feel seen and cared for—now and in the years to come.
These boxes were born out of our own personal losses, including Jay’s (CEO) 15 years of experience working in labor and delivery as a CRNA and witnessing time and again how the hospital experience can profoundly shape a family’s grief journey, for better or for worse.
Until next week,
Trina and Jay
Co-founders of Forget Me Not
