In today’s issue

🔗 The best links I found this week
📖 Deep dive: “How do I cope after a loss?” A Nurse’s Guide to Coping with Infant Loss
🩷 Self-care moment: Rituals for Processing Grief

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🔗 My Favorite Finds This Week

Note: Since we're discussing coping and topics around grief, the first three links are support options in addition to or instead of what your hospital might provide. These are good to keep handy in your unit.

🧠 Mental Health Support Outside Your Hospital The Emotional PPE Project - Connects healthcare workers with licensed mental health professionals who provide free therapy.

💻 Peer Support Programs PeerRxMed - Free peer-to-peer program for healthcare professionals to support each other's well-being.

📱 Crisis Support Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis support via text message when immediate help is needed.

🌸 Keepsakes
Anna the Nurse on Tiktok and Instagram answers questions from a follower, “What do you do when the parents don’t want any keepsakes at all?” (Anne the Nurse on Instagram)

📝 Note to patient
What do you write on a card to the patient who’s experienced loss? (Forget Me Not on Instagram)

📖 Deep Dive

Whether it's your first or your twentieth infant loss. The nurse’s guide to coping after a loss.

In a profession centered on healing and hope, perhaps no experience tests a nurse's emotional resilience more than caring for families through infant loss. Whether it's your first experience or your twentieth, each loss carries its own weight. While nurses train extensively for the clinical management of these cases, there's often little guidance on how to manage personal grief.

I recently came across a powerful story shared by an L&D nurse on social media (link to original post), who described her experience after witnessing her first fetal demise delivery:

This nurse's candid account highlights an important truth: no matter how seasoned a nurse may be, certain cases will affect them deeply. The suddenness, the intimacy of the moment, or simply the timing in their own lives can make a particular loss resonate more powerfully.

Research by Dr. Marianne H. Hutti and colleagues at the University of Kentucky College of Nursing provides important context. Their studies found that perinatal loss affects nurses across multiple specialties, not just in labor and delivery but also those working in emergency departments, surgery, and post-anesthesia care units. Dr. Hutti notes,

Their research revealed that the impact of infant loss on nurses often leads to compassion fatigue, with some turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol use. Healthy self-care measures, such as nutritious eating and exercising, are good ways to reduce stress.

Five Key Insights for Coping with Infant Loss

1. Honor each life and your emotions

One L&D nurse with 15 years of experience commented in the discussion, "I've been a labor nurse for 15 years and remember all of my demises. It will never get easy, you just learn how to cope a bit better." Many nurses described establishing small rituals to honor the babies they've cared for - writing their names in a journal, lighting candles, or simply taking a moment of reflection.

"I sing to them," shared another L&D nurse in the thread. "When the parents are ready for me to take them to be cleaned up before swaddling, I sing the sweetest songs I can manage through tears." These personal rituals help create meaning and provide closure.

2. Seek support from colleagues who understand

The unique nature of nursing means that sometimes only fellow nurses truly understand what healthcare providers are experiencing. Dr. Hutti notes in her research that "Nurses cannot really talk with family members or friends about infant loss due to patient privacy issues," making collegial support even more vital.

"I ended up doing a kind of debriefing a week later with the staff involved and it really helped a lot to be able to talk about it with people that understood," one nurse explained in the online discussion.

Having a trusted colleague to text or talk with can make all the difference. Research shows that peer support significantly reduces compassion fatigue and burnout among healthcare workers dealing with traumatic events (Adimando, 2018).

3. Remember the impact of your care

When nurses are struggling with their own grief, it can be healing to remember the profound difference their care makes for families. In the discussion thread, one parent who experienced stillbirth shared this moving perspective: "The nurses were the ones who held the world together for us. I witnessed incredible caring, fierce advocacy, amazing compassion... 9 years later and I still remember [my nurses] by name."

Dr. Hutti's research confirms this impact: "The literature says professional support is critical. If they get good professional support in the hospital and afterward, they are more likely to end up doing as well as can be expected following a loss."

A 2019 study in BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth found that compassionate nursing care was the single most important factor in positive psychological outcomes for parents experiencing perinatal loss. The care provided during those difficult hours creates lasting memories for families.

4. Develop professional boundaries without losing compassion

Finding the balance between empathy and self-protection is essential for longevity in nursing. "I grow around the painful spots in my heart," explained a NICU nurse in the discussion thread. This doesn't mean becoming detached, but rather creating healthy emotional boundaries that allow nurses to remain present without becoming overwhelmed.

Dr. Hutti speaks to this balance in her research: "It's difficult to compartmentalize. But we have to learn to do it to survive as nurses." She notes that experienced labor and delivery nurses develop this skill over time: "Most of my colleagues in labor and delivery are good at it, because it does not happen all of the time. They have the emotional reserves to bring forward and give of themselves to help families."

"I think that if it ever gets easy you should change careers," continued the NICU nurse in the discussion. "Losing a baby or mama should never be anything short of devastating." The goal isn't to eliminate emotional responses but to develop resilience that allows nurses to process grief in healthy ways.

5. Practice intentional self-care

Self-care isn't selfish—it's necessary. "Take a PTO day if you need it. Use your EAP," advised one nurse simply in the discussion. Others mentioned specific practices: "Get lots of sleep, eat food that's good for you, watch your favorite comfort movie, and don't drink alcohol/use substances," recommended an ER nurse who had recently helped with a fetal demise case.

Some nurses develop specific rituals: "After a few hard deaths this year I have developed a ritual of lighting a candle, making myself a cup of tea, and journaling about it even though it's difficult."

Dr. Hutti's research emphasizes the importance of healthy self-care measures, noting that "nutritious eating and exercising are good ways to reduce stress." Her research also suggests that professional training can help: "Since many nurses have not received training in how to manage perinatal loss, perinatal bereavement training, such as Resolve Through Sharing, could prove helpful to nurses dealing with these sad occurrences."

The Balance of Joy and Sorrow

One particularly insightful L&D nurse in the online discussion shared this perspective:

Dr. Hutti acknowledges the gravity of this work, noting that "one in four pregnancies end in loss, including miscarriages and stillbirths" and calling this a "public health crisis [that] is being totally ignored in our society." This makes the role of nurses who support these families even more critical.

This balance is what makes the nursing profession both challenging and deeply meaningful. By acknowledging grief and developing healthy ways to process it, nurses can continue to provide the compassionate care that families need during their most vulnerable moments.

🩷 Self-care moment

Rituals for Processing Grief

"After especially difficult cases, I light a candle and sit quietly for five minutes. I acknowledge the life that was lost and honor the care I provided. Then I mentally 'release' the case, knowing I did everything I could." - Hospice nurse with 12 years experience

Research shows that creating personal rituals can help healthcare professionals process grief and prevent burnout. A 2022 study in the Journal of Hospice & Palliative Nursing found that nurses who developed personal rituals for acknowledging patient deaths reported significantly lower rates of compassion fatigue.

Simple rituals you might consider:

• Journaling about the experience

• Creating a brief moment of silence or meditation

• Taking a mindful walk in nature

• Lighting a candle

• Playing a special song

• Sharing your feelings with a trusted colleague

Here are a few of my favs to have during any of these rituals:

Comfortable Meditation Cushion – 🧘‍♀️ Find comfort and grounding during your practice with a supportive meditation cushion.

Noise-Canceling Headphones – 🎧 Immerse yourself fully in a relaxing ritual with noise-canceling headphones for a distraction-free experience.

Relaxation Tea Blends – 🍵 Wind down with a cup of soothing herbal tea to complement your mindfulness routine.

Whatever form it takes, giving yourself permission to acknowledge your grief is essential for long-term wellbeing in nursing.

👎 I didn’t learn anything new

👍 Good information

💯 Very valuable