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Family in the Room: Tips for When Support Isn’t So Supportive

Every week, we deliver evidence-based strategies for perinatal bereavement care. Written by Jay CRNA, MS, specializing in obstetrical anesthesia, and Trina, a bereavement expert, both who have experienced loss.

In Today’s Issue:

📢 Special Announcement! 
🔗 The best links I found this week
📖 Deep dive: Family in the Room: Tips for When Support Isn’t So Supportive
🩷 Self-care moment: Finding Your Center Amid Family Dynamics

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📢 Special Announcement!

We’re thrilled to invite you to our 2025 Virtual Annual Bereavement Training Event

🎤 Who is speaking? Dr. Joanne Cacciatore—internationally recognized grief expert and founder of the MISS Foundation—will share the latest evidence-based strategies for supporting families through loss.

🤱 Topic: Perinatal Death and Bereavement Care—Compassion-Centered Psychosocial Support.

🗓️ When: Tuesday, June 3rd from 12:00–1:30 PM EDT on Zoom for a free, live session

🩺 Who is if for? Labor & delivery nurses and obstetric healthcare professionals.

🎁 Giveaways: In-person attendees will be eligible for over $2,000 in giveaways, including scholarships, Amazon gift cards, and Forget Me Not bereavement boxes. Last year’s event was a huge success, and we can’t wait to see you there!

🔗 My Favorite Finds This Week

📝 Free Resource for friends/extended family visiting
A quick, practical guide for family and friends on how to support grieving parents during visits—offering clear tips and gentle reminders to help make their presence comforting, not overwhelming. (Forget Me Not)

📝 15 Meaningful Ideas to Write in a Card
The best way to support families after an early or late loss. (Forget Me Not)

📖 Deep Dive

Navigating Family and Social Dynamics in Grief After Stillbirth or Miscarriage

Supporting families through the loss of a baby involves not just the parents, but also their wider social network. Nurses are often the bridge between grieving parents and their families, and understanding the complexities of these dynamics is essential for compassionate, effective care. Here’s an evidence-based guide to help nurses:

Common Challenges:

  • Family members may unintentionally minimize the loss, offer unhelpful advice, unhelpful comments, or pressure parents to “move on”.

  • Some may try to take control of decision-making or disregard the parents’ wishes, causing additional distress.

Navigating Families Who Aren’t Helping (and May Make Things Worse)

Family members may sometimes, despite their intentions, make the situation harder for grieving parents by offering unhelpful advice, minimizing the loss, or trying to take control of decisions. Evidence supports several strategies for nurses:

  • Set Clear Boundaries: Encourage parents to communicate their needs and limits to family, including what topics are off-limits or when they need space. Nurses can model and support this boundary-setting.

  • Advocate for the Parents: Nurses should gently redirect conversations or intervene if family members overstep, always prioritizing the parents’ preferences and wishes.

  • Normalize Diverse Grief Responses: Remind families that everyone grieves differently and encourage respect for the parents’ unique process and choices.

  • Provide Resources: Offering resources to visitors is a good way to educate families on supportive behaviors and language before they walk in the room. We have a free printout here 👇.

    Family and Friends support.pdf355.88 KB • PDF File

Making Families Feel Heard—While Prioritizing the Parents

  • Active Listening: The most important support is compassionate listening—allowing all family members to express their feelings without judgment, but always returning the focus to the parents’ needs89.

  • Validation Without Taking Sides: Acknowledge the pain of extended family, but reinforce that the mother and father’s wishes come first in all care decisions.

  • Facilitate Family Meetings: If appropriate, offer to mediate a conversation where Mom and Dad can share their needs and boundaries before visitors arrive.

  • Encourage Memory-Making Together: Involve family members in rituals or memory-making activities if the parents wish, which can foster connection and help everyone process the loss.

  • Professional Support: When family conflict is severe or persistent, recommend professional counseling or support groups for both parents and extended family members.

Bereaved parents never forget the understanding, respect, and genuine warmth they received from caregivers, which can become as lasting and important as any other memories of their lost pregnancy or their baby’s brief life.

🩷 Self-care moment

Finding Your Center Amid Family Dynamics

Supporting families through loss—especially when emotions run high and family dynamics get complicated—can leave you feeling stretched thin. Remember, it’s okay to step back and breathe. Grief isn’t linear, and neither is the work you do. Listen to your body, give yourself permission to rest, and lean on your own support system when you need it. As Helen Keller reminds us,

We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world—the company of those who have known suffering

Hellen Keller

You’re making a difference, even on the days it feels messy. Take a moment for yourself today; you deserve it.

Thank you for reading today’s newsletter on evidence-based bereavement education. I thoroughly enjoy spending time each week researching and sharing these insights with you. Reply to this email with any thoughts!